Feeling so tired in the morning
Just too lazy to wear my lens so i went to work with my purple specs!!
Amazingly, got many comments that i looked better with specs.... hmmm..
(or maybe just becos i'm wearing a matching purple top?)
Anyways, for my eye's sake, i might rotate ard my specs and lens too

Also managed to arrange some of my work today and kept myself occupied
Everybody like friends, dancemates, frens that i haven seen for a long time all said that I have either slimmed down, shrunk and my butt have down-sized!! Omg! Is it good or bad?
But my weight remains at 42kg and i still feel fleshy on my tummy.....

Benji just said that he realised my thighs became smaller too
Is it cos I'm finally engaging the right muscle group and dance or cos i haven't been dancing much? Anyway, i still eat and eat like nobody's biz + today's lunch was Joan's mum's cooking. The chicken was so so good! Yummy!

As i was telling zp abt my crazy thought of stopping dance, I was shocked myself to have this thought too. What's gotten over me? But till i voiced out, din know zp also shared the same thought. Sigh..
A Dancer's life is so complicated..lol

Celebrated Wilfred's belated and Puay San's advance bdays! Eat again!
Shortly after that was 6pm already
Still did not feel like gg home
Am i too used to not being home thats y im feeling this way or i just needed to be occupied?
I don't know...
So it was B.R.B again
Talked crap, ate and do stupid things .... well at least there was something to do
Hmm ... and i squeezed myself into a locker, big one of cos at SHS Block

Went home with Benji and ate dinner at home
Yawns...

Absolutely crappy day today

Still feeling quite sucky when i woke up, thinking abt stuff and can't stop reprimanding myself..
Didn't had a good night slp..
In fact, I don even expect a GOOD slp... i only hope for a pleasant short rest
Cos i know i can't rest my mind at all

Noon was better....
Had lunch with Benn, Benji, Nick, Zhi Ping and Fly! (weird group huh? heex..)
We packet our food up to Blk E to eat
It was quite a nice feeling to eat there
Quiet and peaceful ... cooling
Shall be my consumption area for the next 1 year.. lol

~ Benji and his macaroni!~
~ NICK LONG AND HIS MACARONI!! MIRACLE FOR PRATAMAN....LOL~
~ And Me and my Macaroni.... sigh! did i really shrink or what? look at the visible bones =( ~

~ Bennerick eating his lunch, he must lean by the pillar cos he can't sit straight! He'll fall back! lol... That's what will happen if u have too tight muscles all over ya body!! lol...

~ Fly and his lappy... stoning~
~ "I'm cam shy! Don't take me" ...... MY FOOT! haha ping will nv be cam shy lor~
~ hahaha funny... Fly on floor and ping holding her slippers. hmm...trying to whack Fly? lol~
~ Nick listening to all the lameness going on~
~ One of my fav choc now! =) Thanks Teng Chung for helping me buy it. Like i said i'm always not fated to buy RitterSport choc! ~

A healthier diet!!
Nick, Benji and I came up with a little eating-control itinerary
Duration: 1 month
With effect from: 28 Jan - 28 Feb 2008
Agreement terms: STRICTLY NO PRATA (in or outta NYP)
Mac- twice a week
No soft drinks

Then we'll slowly cut down on carbo and eat more fruits and veg.... Slowly
1st time ever i see Nick eating MACARONI SOUP! It's a miracle...lol

Well, lunch was so entertained by Fly & Nick when they both crapped and have never ending cold LAME but funny jokes to tell! Laughed our heads off but of cos the ULTIMATE clown was still ......ME! (darn...)

Was so so so slow in catching one of Fly's irritating dirty joke. The famous ant, cave, snake and venom joke! And all my silliest moments and plain blank facial expression was all captured down on video by MR NICK LONG! And i seriously agree that u must really learn how to control ya laughter. haha..

Went back to work and managed to clear some of my work as planned. Finally.... =)
I need to occupy myself.. i seriously need to.. I'll go mad!
Managed to get 3 days OFF IN LIEU to do spring cleaning for sickening CNY. Sigh..

Stayed back after work
For what? I dunno initially..
Then i just got my heels down to dance.. then Anna came and we talked. Anyway, actually i din feel like dancing too.. Weird.

Then something upsetting happened too...
Sigh..
All these are eating me up...
Series of unhappy events happening one after another
Like a never ending chain reaction that goes on and on and on...
Till i can't feel my own emotions anymore..
I can't feel right...

I wanna run away

From everything else

and be alone...........

Alone... right maybe i should

its so irony
As much as i hate and dread being alone, i realise i need to be alone too... *sniffs*

I'm staying!! Hooray!

Hey peeps!

My contract as a ASDO has been renewed! Which means I'll have another year in NYP! Hmmm....long service award huh? lol... Well, it seems that I've grown to be so attatched to NYP. Hey, I'm a sentimental person kie.... =p

Agnes and Edelweis was so excited when they saw an A4 sized envelope from HR to me. Got me to immediately open the envelope and when they saw what's written on it, they exclaimed and went "YES!!! Congratulations!" and i was hugged by Agnes. haha... i admit almost had happy tears but it seems like they are more excited and happy for me! Heex... i couldn't stop smiling.

Mum and sis was happy for me too when i broke the news. Although i rejected Szehui's offer for a position in her company, she was happy for me too cos I'm happy! haha.. I'm mad. Well, i guess everyone else is happy for me! Thanks all. And i believe the rest out there are also in a way happy that i'm staying! lol.. okies!

Nitey!!

1st BE outing at ECP!! Fun!! =)

Feeling all so tired in the morning. Couldn't open my eyes! Body refuse to move, legs refuse to walk, brain refuse to listen!!

For the 1st time, Rene skipped BE prac!! It was a "nua-Waltz" lesson today. I reached only at 11am and class ended at 1130am...hehe. The only Sat that I nv dance at all! OMG...its a MIRACLE! But its kinda cool...come to think of it! Finally, a break.. ...

Class ends and its time for a day's playout in EAST COAST PARK! Yays!

~ Nice weather. Looks pretty dark and cloudy but thank God it didn't rain*smilez*~
~ Yay! Group pic with our little bicycles and skates! hehe ~
~ Another group pic! Taken when we were all done cycling and abt to return~
~ Lin and her 2 body guards! Ooooh..how lucky..both left and right. Lol~
~ Lin learning how to skate! Taking baby steps hehe ~
~ Hmm... starting to get the hang of it. Actual fact: Lin is clinging on so tightly lor!! Lol~
~ Guess whose legs are these? Samuel and Rene! ~
~ Whoa! Look at Lin's face! She was abt to fall lor..hehe~
~ IT'S HUMAN THROWING TIME! 1, 2 , 3 .............into the sea!! ~
~ 2nd victim on the way!! Poor Lin... hehe~
~ No use screaming gal... I can's save you too! Almost got myself thrown too! Lucky i had my electronic devices with me. My digi cam and hp! Heng ar.............Lol~
~ And Lin Lin is on her way fast...... see the sea? ~
~So is Ms Fishball (Peiru) Wow look at the 4 guys carrying her..looks like she weighs a ton lor haha~

~ "help...... i'm so helpless!! lol...~
~ Preparing for the big throw!! Holding Peiru up high. Look! She's elbowing Benji's head!! ~
~ It's Ms Weilin's turn...haha~
~ Peiru trying to retrieve back her slippers.... haha~~ How can Peter miss out throwing anyone to the sea? Gotcha Weilin!!~

~ pouts! We are all WET!! ~
~ Lin Lin and Me!! ~
~ haha Mr Pressi Bennerick..... big head small body. Look like tweety bird haha...~
~ Wow..looks cool huh. Biker! What's in his bag? His gear? haha...its all his BBQ stuff...lol~
~ Attempting to catch hold of Peter and throw him in the sea! HE'S LIKE A WORM,TRYING TO WRIGGLE HIS WAY FREE! looks like he is doing some kinda stunt. Crazy man!! haha~

Benn and I reached 1st and we spent an hr by the rocks in the sun, sea and breeze, waiting for the rest to arrive. It's been a long time since my last visit to the beach, relaxing like that. Nice feeling!! =) We had some great food at the ECP Food Center (near the water-sports arena) And of cos...not forgetting the corny techno CNY songs!! so funny lar...lol

It's exercise time!! Everyone else rented bicycles and I'm on my blades. But ........... my buckles snapped! *sniffs* Rented a pair in the end $10/2 hrs. Quite worth it. I was Weilin's blading Shifu for the day....taught her and she learnt really fast and well! =) No doubt she fell a few times and hung on to Samuel and I real hard and using us to support her entire weight!! OMG.... i think Samuel and my arms were more aching than our legs!! lol...but its damn fun! The skaters of the day was ........... Rene, Benji, Samuel and Weilin! (Bennerick was supposed to be one of us but he went home halfway to change and back with his bicycle instead!! Grrrrr.......)

Played some ball games like beach volleyball and "land-water-polo" haha. So fun!! Benn and Peter were pro at playing and rcving it singled-hand, well at least compared to the rest of us...lol.. Was so nice and cool! And the disaster was Weilin!! Screaming away and giving all sorts of funny poses! Benji was right to capture snapshots of her whenever she catches the ball. haha so funny la. Hmm...Partner Mel did not come and join us cos was raining at his side and my blades broke so can't blade with him. =(

Highlight of the day was........ Throwing WEilin and Peiru into the sea and attempting to throw PETER into the sea! See the pics to get a better picture! =)

Evening arrives! Slowly all left...some to S&G, some back home. The survivors were Me, Benji, Tim, Samuel and Konrad. Went to eat Subway and then Star gazing at one of the beach rocks! All of us laid down and talked cock. Was kinda cool!

Went back office to get my latin heels for tml tech class and went home. I got sunburn!!!!! hehe.. Next week Rene is going to start keeping fit and tone up. Gonna swim, jog, stretch etc.... =)
Tireds... I guess tml will be aching and all...

Rene enjoyed herself totally today! Tks Bennerick pressi for organising! More to come.......!! Nites! Hugs and bites to all...... Zzzzzzzzz

*Sniffs*

Rene is feeling so rotten.. bad and... .... ... upset
She is angry with herself too....
She has fallen...
once again...

It has happened before
It is happening again .... maybe a more serious one this time
At a lost....
What to do?

Can she deal with it this time?
Not fall and be strong?
Or be strong after fall?

She is fearful and uncertain. Sighs......

*Let time tell and heal the pain*
"ming tian hui gen hao" =)